I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
