She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
