dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
