did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
