Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
