My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
