you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
