when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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