She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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