Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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