Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize