So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
smell my finger.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
