I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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