You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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