and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
