Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
