i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
