awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
