we have pet lesbian snakes
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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