she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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