you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
