they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
