a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's no shave November. This is our time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
