ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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