grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I will pee on everything he values.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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