Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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