Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i dont even know how to be here
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
