Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
