i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize