the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
