found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
