you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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