Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
