Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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