i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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