Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
