I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
