Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize