Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
