bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize