I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
