i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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