You just made me feel so damn special
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The air was thick with penises
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
