Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
