She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
