walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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