My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
