took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So vagazzling was a success
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
