I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
please come you make the beer taste better
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
