the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
