I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize