She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
