sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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