All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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