Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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