I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
