dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
