I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
