Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize