I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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