if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
