My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
