Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
