Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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