I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
