careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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