there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
