Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
