Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What a dumb baby whore.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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