It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
