I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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