ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
