Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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