where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
