Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
