i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
