just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
