Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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