if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
