There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
