She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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