dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
organizing the empties. That sober.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My vagina is officially offended.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
